Post Minimal Loss
by 741N73D 4N63L
Summary: Sequel to Meeting Emily Prentiss. Catherine stays with Emily after the teams gets back from Colorado where Emily is injured protecting Spencer.
1. October 10 2008

AN: Sequel to Meeting Emily. It would help to read that, and or the other stories in my series first. :)

AN2: This story takes place right after Minimal Loss in season four where Emily Prentiss took a beating from Benjamin Cyrus to protect Spencer Reid. It is told from Catherine's point of view. Translation is included at the bottom of the page. Rating is T for references to violence and a few swear words.

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.

* * *

Don't walk behind me; I may not lead.

Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow.

Just walk beside me and be my friend.

- Albert Camus

* * *

October 10, 2008

Looking at my key ring always makes me smile; it reminds me that I have a family. Logically, I should only have a few keys. After all, I am only 18. I should have a house or dorm room key and maybe a car key. Instead, I have eleven keys: A key for Jen's car, one for the house I'm sharing with Jen and Will, one for my best friend's dorm, one for Derek's house, two for Penelope's, two for Emily's and two for Spencer and an 'emergency only' key for Aaron's house. The only person I don't have a key for is David Rossi, he's the 'newest' member of the BAU team. He's not really new, he came out of retirement to rejoin the team. I don't know him very well and I doubt I'll be getting a key to Mr. Rossi's house anytime soon.

The team got back from a case in Colorado a few days ago in which Emily was hurt pretty badly. Tonight the team left on another case, only this time, they took Penelope with them and left Emily behind. She has a concussion and a few fractured ribs as well as a bunch of bruises. I was originally planning on staying in the University dorms with my best friend Clara but Jen wouldn't hear of it, and I know better than to argue with my very pregnant sister.

Since Penelope is going out on the case with the rest of the team and since Emily is grounded I get to stay with her. Emily also knows not to argue with Jen. I'm not sure how happy Emily is at the moment. I know that she hates being stuck at home, but Aaron told her that since she can't even walk in a straight line, there is no way she is going to be participating in the case. I haven't looked at the case file from Colorado. I mean, I could, even if I'm not supposed to, but I don't know if Emily even needs my help. If she doesn't no harm, no foul. If she does, then I will.

Jen drops me off at Emily's condo building and I let myself in through the front door. I take the elevator up to the sixth floor and knock on her door. I could use my key but I know she's home and it's polite to knock.

Emily opens the door and leans against the frame. "Bonsoir Chérie." She says with a tired smile. The bruises on her face are starting to turn yellow, they must have been a spectacular shade of purple a few days ago.

"Bonsoir Emily." I answer back with a happy smile.

She steps backward a little off-balance, must be the concussion, and lets me enter.

"What? No please come in Catherine, nice to see you Catherine. It's been two weeks since we've seen each other Emily." I tease gently.

She's grinning at me now, exhaustion temporarily forgotten: "I can't invite you in, what if you were a vampire?"

I burst out laughing. "Have you been watching Buffy without me?"

She blushes slightly.

My mouth drops open, "You have haven't you?" I stick my tongue out at her, "I'm crushed Em, really crushed."

I enter the condo and look expectantly at Emily, she points in the direction of her guestroom. I drop off my suitcase and leave my coat on the bed. We walk slowly down the hallway towards the kitchen.

"Anything in particular you want to eat Em?" I ask.

"I thought I was going to cook." She says confusion colouring her voice.

I roll my eyes, "Yeah right, like the team would let me let you anywhere near a stove or an oven."

She actually pouts.

"Come on Em, your balance is off; I bet your reaction time is off as well. You can hold a conversation but you could seriously injure yourself if I let you cook. Oh, and Jen would kill you and then me." I point out.

"You had to play the JJ card didn't you?" She complains.

"Yup." I grin at her.

She growls, "Damn it, fine. Cook something, there should be frozen stuff in the freezer, I'm going to find some wine."

"Em-" I start.

She cuts me off, "Fine, no alcohol either, I bet Reid put you up to that one."

"I-" I try again.

"No, don't answer. I'm going to take a bath. Call me when dinner is ready." She staggers off before I can say anything.

I can hear the water running while I search the fridge. _Damn, what does she eat? The only thing in the fridge is bottled water. Let's try the freezer. Yay! Food! Okay, what do we have here; frozen chicken nuggets, frozen fish, frozen veggies and bingo, a frozen lasagna._ I preheat the oven while I collect a few things from the pantry, and a pot for some veggies.

Dinner is about fifteen minutes away from being ready when Emily comes back from her bath looking better. She leans against the doorframe, "Remind me why are you staying here with me again and not in your home?"

Make that looking better but still annoyed, "Maybe because you need help and Penny has gone with the team and there is no way Jen would let me stay home alone."

She glares at me, "I don't need a nurse, try again."

I fidget uncomfortably, "I can't stay home alone with Will without Jen. It would be awkward."

"So you tried it before?" She prods for more information.

Nope, not annoyed, she's pushy, "Yeah, we tried it about a month after he moved in. I couldn't do it."

She sighs, "Catherine, that was months ago."

I scuff my slipper on the hardwood, "I don't trust him Emily."

"You don't trust Will? Or you don't trust him around Jen? Or you don't trust him around you? What is it?" she prompts.

"None of the above." This is getting uncomfortable.

"Don't lie." She spits out.

Now I'm pissed off. "I'm not some unsub for you to profile Emily. I haven't done anything wrong and I don't want to talk about it."

"You obviously have something to say and I know you haven't told JJ or she wouldn't be under the impression that everything is fine between you two." She growls.

I growl back, "Fine! I know he loves my sister and I'm pretty sure she loves him too but it freaks me out to be within ten feet of him."

"Now was that so hard?" she mocks.

I glare daggers at her.

"Thank you for being honest Catherine." She says without malice.

"You're not welcome." It's childish and petulant and I don't care. "Dinner will be ready in ten minutes. Please go away Emily."

She's not happy with my answer but she leaves the kitchen.

Emily enters the dining room exactly ten minutes later and we eat in the lasagna and vegetables in silence. When I bring out the dessert I had made at home Emily tries to strike up a conversation. "Are those red velvet cupcakes?" Her eyes light up, and there is a small smile on her face.

I nod once, "Yes."

She tilts her head, "They're my favorite."

"I know." I answer simply.

"I'm sorry Catherine." She apologizes.

I look at her seriously, "I can't say it's okay because it isn't Emily, but I accept your apology."

She looks sad.

"Cupcake?" I offer her the Tupperware.

"You made twelve cupcakes?" she asks.

"No" I smile, "I made twenty-four."

She cocks her head in confusion.

"The other twelve were in my suitcase. Now they're in the fridge."

She grins at me. "How long will they last?"

"Before they go stale or do you want an estimate on how long it will take us to eat them?" I question with a smile.

We watch the Buffy season six after a late dinner. It's nice to just sit down and relax.

Emily falls asleep before we can start a third episode. I don't want to wake her but she's likely to injure her ribs further if she continues sleeping hunched over.

"Emily," I call her name again, "Emily wake up."

She doesn't move and I don't want to shake her incase I injure her further.

I try again, "Emily," I place my hand on her arm "wake up. We're out of red velvet cupcakes."

"What?" she mumbles, "no more cupcakes? But I want cupcakes."

I laugh, "Go to bed."

Emily groans when she gets up from the couch but she stumbles down the hall to her bedroom by herself and shuts the door.

I go to the guest room and start unpacking my bag. I turn my iPod on and hit shuffle, Snow Patrol's Run starts playing. It's perfect, exactly what I need to hear right now. I climb under the blankets and curl up into a ball, trying to meditate; I'm not very good at it.

I wait quietly until almost midnight before getting out of bed and pulling my candles out of my bag. I set the three candles down on the small table that I've set under the window, then I light them; two red candles and one white. I whisper, "Good night mama, good night daddy, good night Jessie, I love you. Good night Jenny, I miss you, please come home safely." I want to leave the candles burning in the window all night but I know I can't; it's not safe. I blow out the candles and pack them away, and then I climb back under the covers and drift off to sleep.

* * *

Things are not always what they seem;

the first appearance deceives many;

the intelligence of a few people perceives

what has been carefully hidden.

- Plato, Phaedrus

* * *

French:

Emily:  
Bonsoir Cherie: Hello, good evening darling

Catherine:  
Bonsoir: Hello, good evening


	2. October 11 2008

AN: If Emily seems to be acting out of character, please blame the concussion :)

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds nor do I own Boccaccio's Decameron.

* * *

Buffy: It's just, like, nothing's simple.

I'm always trying to work it out.

Who to hate, or love… who to trust…

It's like the more I know, the more confused I get.

Giles: I believe that's called growing up.

Buffy: I'd like to stop, then. Okay?

- BTVS, What's My Line?

* * *

October 11, 2008

In the morning I make blueberry pancakes for Emily and myself. I'm glad I hid the cupcakes from her last night; we're down to twelve. We split up after breakfast. I don't know what Emily does for the rest of the day, but I spend my Saturday morning reading Boccaccio's Decameron for class.

After I finish reading, I leave Emily a note on the table and go on a quick grocery run. There really isn't enough food in the condo to feed Emily, never mind both of us. It takes me just over an hour to get everything we might need for the next few days together and walk back to the condo.

When I put down the grocery bags so that I can let myself in, Emily opens the door with a smile on her face. "Lunch?"

"Why? Are you hungry?" I stick my tongue out at her.

She rolls her eyes and I walk past her into the condo. We end up having a late lunch of tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches. I wash the dishes by hand and Emily dries them.

She leaves them stacked on the counter so that I can put them away later. There is no need to aggravate her ribs further just to put away the dishes.

Emily wanders away while I am re-shelving the dishes; I hear the television turn on in her room. I hope she has a nap or something; she still looks exhausted. I go back to the guest room and pull out the Decameron again… could this thing be any longer? I wish I could read as quickly as Spencer.

A few hours after dinner, I am still sitting at the little table by the window in the guestroom reading the Decameron when Emily walks up behind me. I know something is off because she knows just how much I hate having someone stand behind me. "Did you bring your candles Catherine?"

I can't move, "What are you talking about Emily?"

She puts her hand on my shoulder and forces me to turn around and face her. "Don't play games with me Catherine. I may be exhausted, but I am still a profiler. I've got a concussion,

I'm not stupid."

I growly defensively, "Piss off Emmy."

She laughs at me.

I take a deep calming breath, "Who?"

She answers simply, "Garcia."

I look at her from the corner of my eye, "Penelope?"

She sits down on the bed and sighs, "Yes, do you know another Garcia? No, don't answer that, you probably do. Penelope told me that you light three candles every night when you're at her apartment. And I know that you probably lit them in here last night."

"Oh." I mumble.

I can tell that she's frustrated with my non-answers, "Oh, that's all you've got? That's all you're going to give me? If you're going to be starting a fire in my house Catherine, I would like to know why."

"I would really rather not."

"Well then I would really rather you didn't light any candles in my home."

"Em-" I start.

She cuts me off, "I want a real answer Catherine. I could always call JJ and ask her."

I bluff, "You wouldn't; she's on a case."

"Wouldn't I?"

I'm annoyed and worried, "God Emily, it's like you're threatening to call my mother."

"Well, isn't that what she is?"

"Don't say that." I spit out angrily.

"Why?"

"Because I had a mother."

"Yes, and now she's dead."

I want to cry.

She actually looks sorry, "Look Catherine, I need answers. If I don't get them from you, then

I will call JJ and ask her."

"Don't call her Em. Please," I beg. "She won't-" I cut myself off.

"So she knows that you light the candles then? Does she know why?"

"Yes and yes." I mumble.

She lifts my chin with her finger and I have no choice but to raise my head and look at her. "Catherine-" she starts.

I cut her off, "Jen raised me when I was little but she's my hero, not my mother Emily."

She still hasn't let go of my chin, "Okay. Now tell me why the candles are so important."

I look directly into her eyes, "Do you know how Jack talks to Haley?"

She narrows her eyes, "No, and what has that got to do with our conversation?"

"Are you being dense on purpose Emily? Think church."

She raises an eyebrow.

I sigh, "Aaron lights a candle and Jack holds it and he talks to his mom."

"Oh." Understanding blooms on her face, "So that's what you're doing?"

"Yes."

Emily says, "Why do you need three candles? I can understand two; your mom and dad but who is the third for?"

"You really don't know?" I question her, still a little stunned. I thought the team knew already and that's why no one asked me any questions about it.

"No, I really don't know why you need a third candle to talk to your parents."

"Jen had another sister before me, an older sister." I swallow my fear "She killed herself before I was born."

She winces, "Oh."

I shift uncomfortably in my chair, "Yeah."

She drops her fingers from my chin and looks away, "Sorry."

After a few minutes of uncomfortable silence, I'm about to go back to reading my book for class when Emily starts talking again, "When do you usually light your candles?"

Suspicion colours my voice, "Midnight. Why?"

She looks embarrassed and she starts rambling, "Do you mind my staying? Or do you want me to go away? I mean, if it's too private I can leave but if it isn't I would like to stay."

I look at her; I mean I really look at her. I don't know what she wants anymore. "Why do you want to stay?"

Emily reaches out to take my hand and I move mine away, she sighs, "I want to stay because

I want to understand."

I don't know what to say so I don't say anything.

Emily tries again, "Does JJ do this as well?"

"What do you think?" I say defensively.

"I think that she does. I think that JJ started lighting the candles because she needed to talk to her big sister. I also think that JJ raised you with the idea of lighting the candles to say good night because it made her feel less alone."

"Emily-"

She cuts me off "I'm not saying that it's a bad thing, but is it necessary to light the candles every night?"

"Yes it is."

"Why?"

"Because it is."

"That's not an answer."

"It's tradition and-"

She cuts me off, "Catherine-"

I cut her off "I light them to say good night to Jennifer when she's away on a case. I-"

She cuts me off again, looking skeptical, "You can't use a phone?"

"Emily!" I say in exasperation.

"Okay," she raises her hands in surrender, "I'll stop interrupting you."

"Thank you. Now, first of all, what Jen does or did do is none of your business just like why

I light the candles is also not of your business." I pause and take a deep breath, "If you don't want me to light the candles in your condo I won't. But I will either go outside to light them"

I'm shaking, "or I'll go home and suffer through as many panic attacks as necessary caused by being in the same house alone with Will in order to light the candles. And then you can explain to Jen why-"

She cuts me off again and says very firmly, "Catherine, stop talking."

I glare at her but I close my mouth.

"You can light the candles. I just needed more information."

"No," I correct her, "you wanted more information. There is a difference." I sigh quietly, "I'm not some little kid you can boss around Emily. I might look thirteen but I'm eighteen. I'm not going to be irresponsible and leave the candles unattended and set your condo on fire."

I pause and when Emily doesn't say anything I continue, "I need to light them Em, I need to say good night to my parents and I need to stay connected to Jenny. This is the only thing we have when she's away. We don't talk on the phone when the team is away on a case, you know that." I sigh, "Shall I tell you what I do then?"

Emily's face is a mixture of confusion and sadness. She nods at me and I explain, "First I light the candles, then I watch them for a little while, and then I blow them out and sleep.

Does that answer your questions? Can we stop this now?"

"Yes Catherine. I am sorry. We can stop talking about this." She reaches for my hand and this time I don't pull away. "You can light the candles and I will go away now if you want me to."

I squeeze her hand, "It's okay Em."

She shakes her head, "No, it's not okay. I shouldn't have pushed you. You're right, it isn't my business and you're not a little kid."

"I do want you to go away for a little bit… but you can come back later if you still want to watch. Don't you have someone you've lost that you want to talk to Em?"

She looks away, lets go of my hand and leaves the room without answering my question.

There is a knock on my door at 11:50; I look up from the bed, expecting to see Emily.

I do see Emily, but she looks different. She's in her pajamas, which isn't new; I've seen her in pj's before. She looks frightened, not an emotion I would associate with Emily and she's been crying. For a split second I felt bad, was I responsible for making the Emily Prentiss, who never cries, cry? Just as her questions were the reason I cried? I dismiss the thought as not important because when Emily moves into the bedroom, I notice that she is holding a single white candle. My curiosity is piqued I want to ask who the candle is for but I also don't want to scare Emily away.

I don't say anything even when Emily sits down next to me on the bed. I wait for her to make the first move. She does, it just takes her a few minutes. The silence isn't uncomfortable it's calming. I can hear Emily sigh quietly, she turns to look at me, "May I join you?"

I smile at her, "Well, you're already here, but of course you can Emmy."

Emily scrunches her nose when I butcher her name and I stick my tongue out at her. She gestures with one hand to the white candle clutched tightly in her other hand, "What do I need to do?"

I bite my lip and say tentatively, "You need a candle stick Em. I only have three."

She breathes out, "Oh." Emily rises from the bed and walks out of the room. She returns quickly clutching a silver candlestick with the white candle already in place.

"Okay." I smile at her as I move towards the table under the window. I reach into my suitcase and pull out my candles and my lighter. I place everything on the table; take a deep breath and turn to face Emily, "Ready Em?"

She nods and crosses the room to stand beside me. I look at my watch when she places her candle down next to mine. It is 11:59. I take one more breath and release it, 12:00; it's time.

I light my three candles then I hold out my lighter to Emily, she freezes. I try to reassure her, "Em, it's okay if you don't want to do this."

She takes the lighter from my hand, "No, I want to." I can hear her shallow breaths. I am not convinced that she really wants to be doing this but I wait patiently for Emily's decision.

When she does reach out to light the candle, her hand is shaking so badly that I extend my own to steady hers; we light her candle together.

We watch the candles burn for a while. I want to wait for the candles to burn out but my eyes keep closing on me and I'm starting to sway with exhaustion. So I whisper, "Good night mama, good night daddy, good night Jessie. Good night Jenny, I'll see you when I get home. I love you." Then I blow out my three candles.

When I turn to Emily, I am immediately concerned, she has tears running down her face but she's not making any noise. I debate internally for a moment whether or not Emily will allow me to touch her before I decide that I don't care. Decision made, I wrap my arms around her waist gently. She starts slightly but doesn't pull away; this is good. Emily wraps her arms around me and then she whispers, "Buona notte," before blowing out her candle.

We stand there in silence for a few more minutes before Emily disentangles our arms and gently pushes me towards the bed. When Emily tucks me into bed, I don't even put up a fight, I'm too tired.

* * *

Memory is a way of holding on to the things you love,

the things you are, the things you never want to lose.

- Kevin Arnold

* * *

AN2: Next chapter will be posted on Thursday.


	3. October 12 2008

AN: Translations at the bottom of the page. Please read and review :)

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.

* * *

Many people need desperately to receive this message:

I feel and think much as you do,

care about many of the things you care about,

although most people do not care about them.

You are not alone.

- Kurt Vonnegut

* * *

October 12, 2008

1:33 am

The screams piercing the quiet of the condo startles me into awareness. I take a deep breath, trying to clear my head. Where is the screaming coming from? I get out of bed and walk quietly to the door. The screaming is louder now, what is going on? I open the door and walk out into the hallway. The screaming is coming from Emily's bedroom; I take a moment to decide whether or not to enter. What if someone is in there with her? I can hear whimpers and quiet please for someone to stop. I hesitate, what should I do? Think Catherine. Okay, arm myself. Where did Derek leave his baseball bat? Front closet. Okay, I can get that. I grab the bat and tiptoe towards Emily's bedroom, I raise the bat and push the door open slowly and flip the light switch.

The only person I can see is Emily, she's lying in bed, tangled in the covers, screams, whimpers and quiet please spilling from her lips. It tears at my heart to see her trapped in a nightmare. I wonder if it has anything to do with the team's most recent case. I drop the bat by the door and move towards the bed "Emily!" I call her name again when she doesn't stir, "Emily, wake up!" I sit down on the bed and take a few seconds to try and decide the best way to wake her up. Finally I just grab the sheets that she's tangled in and pull them off her. I grab her hands in mine. "Réveillez-vous Emily." Nothing. "Wachen Sie auf." Still nothing, I'm starting to get really worried.

I try to remember what Jen does for me when I'm trapped in my nightmares. I've got it; I lay down next her and wrap my arms around the still struggling Emily. The noise stops, and she stills instantaneously.

Then she turns her head to look at me with confusion, "Catherine?"

I run my fingers through her hair, "Yes Em, it's me."

I can see that she's trying to focus, forcing back the horrors from her nightmares, "What are you doing here?"

"I'm visiting with you while the team is on a case Emily." I shiver, "And as to why I'm in your bedroom, you were screaming Emily. I thought someone was attacking you." There is a look that passes over her face so quickly that I don't have time to interpret it.

"I think I'm going to be sick." She rushes for the adjoining bathroom.

I follow behind her, concerned. I see her hunched over the toilet, emptying her stomach. I take three steps and stand behind Emily. She flinches violently. I take one step sideways so that I am no longer directly behind her. Kneeling down next to Emily, I pull her hair away from her face and rub her back gently. "It's okay Emmy."

When Emily is finished praying to the porcelain god, I help her stand up. I notice that she is shaking before I notice that she is crying. I am stunned; this is only the second time I have seen Emily cry. I hug her gently and she rests her head on top of mine. I steer her back to bed and tuck her in. When Emily doesn't let go of my hand I sit down on the bed next to her.

"Emmy," I start cautiously, "do you want to talk?"

She shakes her head.

"Okay, do you want me to leave?"

She shakes her head, not looking at me.

"Do you want me to stay?"

She still doesn't say anything but she moves farther away from me without letting go of her death grip on my poor hand.

"Emmy, look at me please?"

She raises her eyes slightly, she's not looking me in the eyes but it's close enough.

"Do you want me to stay?"

Her nod would have been imperceptible if I wasn't looking for it.

"Okay, I'll stay. May I lie down?"

Her lips twitch and she moves further away from me, still holding my hand.

I take that as a yes and climb under the covers.

We spend an hour lying in bed and staring at the walls in silence. I'm just starting to fall asleep again when Emily starts talking without my prompting.

"He had a gun to Reid's head."

I stop breathing.

Emily turned her head towards me and repeated herself, "He had a gun to Reid's head."

"Who?" My question is barely more than a whisper but she hears me.

"The unsub" she whispers. "Cyrus. Benjamin Cyrus." She shudders. "He knew that one of us was an FBI agent." Her eyes boring holes into mine, begging me to understand, "I couldn't just let him kill Reid. He would have killed him." She looks away but I can see the tears running down her face, "I gave myself up."

"Oh, Em." In that instant, I have an idea of where this conversation is going.

She whispers, "He beat me. He-". She cuts herself off, "The team was just a few miles away, off the compound."

"Why did they wait?" I am baffled. "Why didn't they rescue you right then?"

She still isn't looking at me, "I told them I could take it."

"You told them? How?" I ask, confusion lacing my words.

"I knew that they would have parabolic mikes pointed at the compound. I kept repeating that

I could take it."

I frown, "You pissed him off then, the unsub?"

She grimaces, "Oh yeah, big time."

"Why?" I pause to take a breath, "Why would you not want the team to rescue you?"

She swallows, "More people would have died if the team had come in early. All the men had guns. There were women and children, Catherine. I couldn't let them die."

"And you and Spence." I mumble.

"Huh?" Emily rolls towards me, confusion written on her face.

It's my turn to look away from Emily, "You would have been hurt worse right? If they had come in right away?"

She shudders, "Probably."

I hug Emily gently. I can feel her wince in pain and I start to pull away but she wraps her arms around me.

Her voice trembles just a little when she says, "I'm okay Kitty Cat."

"Liar." I whisper.

"Now who's profiling who?" she teases.

"Emily."

"Fine. I'm not okay, but I will be."

I raise my head and smile at Emily.

She kisses my forehead. "Go to sleep Kitty Cat."

I yawn, "What about you?"

"I'll fall asleep soon."

I raise one eyebrow, blinking sleepily.

Emily is running her fingers through my hair and my eyes are already closing but I manage to say, "Night Emmy."

The last thing I hear before I fall asleep is Emily's voice saying, "Good night Creirwy (kree-ree)."

* * *

If we had hinges on our heads

There wouldn't be no sin,

'Cause we could take the bad stuff out

And leave the good stuff in.

- Hinges, Shel Silverstein

* * *

French:

Catherine:

Réveillez-vouz Emily: Wake up Emily.

German:

Catherine:

Wachen Sie auf: Wake/get up.


	4. October 12 2008, Continued

AN: A multi-sectioned chapter for Mother's day. This is more than twice the length that it started out as, I kept finding something else to add :)

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds nor do I own Olivia Newton-John's version of All the Pretty Little Horses.

* * *

I've learned that people will forget what you said,

people will forget what you did,

but people will never forget how you made them feel.

- Maya Angelou

* * *

October 12th, 2008

1:00pm

"What about the cream cheese icing?" Asks Emily while eyeing the still cooling red velvet cupcakes on the counter.

I roll my eyes, "Gross Emmy, cream cheese is for bagels not cupcakes."

"Nuh-uh." Argues Emily. "Red velvet cupcakes are supposed to have cream cheese icing."

"But it's gross and we don't have cream cheese."

"I could go to the store." Suggests Emily.

"Yeah right. You've been in pj's since you got back from Colorado." I fervently wish that I had not looked up the Colorado case file this morning because it makes studiously ignoring Emily's flinch very difficult. "Your face is still partially purple, you can't walk very far and I can tell by the way you're breathing that your ribs hurt. You're going to walk all the way to the grocery store and then carry the cream cheese back? You haven't lifted anything heavier than a candle all weekend."

"You could come with me."

"Don't you mean go for you?"

"Maybe?"

"Alright. Hypothetically, let's say I go to the store with you. What are we going to do when you can't walk all the way there? What if you can walk there but can't walk back? I can't carry you."

"We could take my car." Offers Emily.

"You want to ride in a car with healing fractures on your ribs? I don't think so."

Emily pouts, "What if you went by yourself? Please Catherine, it's my birthday and I want cream cheese icing."

I consider Emily's plea but feel the need to ask, "What are you going to do while I'm gone?"

"Clean up." Says Emily quickly.

"Wrong answer." I frown, "You're going to sit on the couch and watch TV or a movie or you're going to lie down. If the team comes back and-"

Emily cuts me off, saying testily, "I'm an adult Catherine I can look after myself."

Warning bells go off in my head at Emily's statement, I need to patch things up quickly, "I know you can Emily, but I don't want you to fall over, puncture a lung and bleed out while I'm at the store." Okay, so it's a little over the top, but I think I've made my point. She's smiling a little.

"Fine. You win. I'll go watch a movie." Emily turns around and walks out of the kitchen, "That cream cheese icing better be awesome." She mutters quietly.

"I always win." I say to Emily's retreating form, trying my best not to laugh.

I can see Emily's shoulders shaking in silent laugher, which is good, but I'm worried about the quiet "Fuck that hurt." That I hear when Emily stops laughing.

* * *

3:00 pm

When I get back from the grocery store, Emily is asleep on the couch in the living room with the TV still on. I turn it off before going into the kitchen to make the icing. I hate cream cheese icing; there is something inherently wrong about putting cream cheese in something that should be made only of sugar. But this is what Emily wants and it is her birthday. I only make half the recipe because I am only going to cover six cupcakes. There is no way I am going to contaminate my half of the birthday cupcakes.

The phone starts ringing and I rush over, wiping my hands on my apron as I move. I don't want to wake Emily up. She only got a few hours of sleep last night and I didn't get very many more. I wish I could join in on Emily's naptime.

"Hello?" I say, answering the ringing telephone.

"Who is this?" A female voice demands on the other end of the telephone.

"Catherine." I say cautiously, leaving out my last name, "To whom am I speaking?"

"This is Ambassador Prentiss."

"Oh, you're Emily's mother. Hello." I'm a little taken aback by her abruptness but this is Emily's mother, how bad can she be?

"Put my daughter on the phone right now." She commands.

"One moment please." I say with as much patience as I can muster. Loath as I am to wake Emily, I really need to. Her mother is being rather rude and I don't know what to say to make this better.

I put Emily's mother on hold and walk quickly into the living room. I bite my lip as I try to decide the best way to wake Emily without scaring her. After a few seconds, I decide that there is no way out of scaring Emily because she isn't answering my calls. So I sit down beside her and pull up her sleeve, I wince internally at the damage revealed. Emily really should have let me bandage her arms for her. The wrappings are askew and lumpy.

I swallow my fear and apologize quietly to Emily for what I am about to do. I wrap my hand gently around Emily's wrist, the only part of her arm, which isn't damaged. I check her pulse for a few seconds before I squeeze her wrist. "Emmy, wake up!" I bark out. She startles awake and lets out a pained moan. I can taste blood in my mouth; I think my lip is bleeding where I was biting it.

"Creirwy (kree-ree)?" Emily mumbles, not quite awake yet.

"I'm sorry Emmy, really I am." I say quietly, trying to control the tremble in my voice.

The arm Emily is using to hide her yawn muffles her voice, "Why did you wake me up?"

"I'm sorry Emmy. Your mother is on the phone." I say blushing.

My statement gets an immediate reaction from Emily. Her eyes widen and I can see hope clearly displayed and then it's like a transformation has taken place. My friend is gone, the walls come up and in Emmy's place is Agent Prentiss. I hate it when she does this.

Agent Prentiss gets up off the couch and strides to the kitchen; I don't think I have seen her walk this steadily all weekend. She picks the phone up, "Mother." She says in a tightly controlled voice. I can hear the Ambassador yelling at her, but I cannot make out the words. Emily's face is blank but by her glance in my direction, I am still sitting on the couch, I can tell that the conversation is about me. I hope I didn't get Emily in trouble with the mother.

"No mother, Catherine is not some child that I am babysitting nor is she some stray that I have brought home. No, she doesn't live here, she is just visiting mother. Do you remember Agent Jareau from the BAU? Yes? Good. Well, Catherine is her little sister. Yes I know you don't think it is appropriate for a child to answer the phone. There is no need for you to call her a child. Yes mother, I know she sounds young but I would hardly call her a child, she's eighteen."

The Ambassador seems to calm down when Emily tells her that I am technically an adult. I don't like Emily's mother right now. I hate being called a child; it's bad enough that I look about fourteen. I don't need to be constantly reminded of that particular fact.

Emily looks stressed. Somehow I don't think Emily's mother called to wish her a happy birthday. Emily is talking about a Senator's ball that she is supposed to attend in a couples of weeks. I wonder if her bruises will have faded completely by then. Now Emily is trying to convince her mother that she doesn't need a new dress.

"Yes mother. I will meet you at the house before we leave for the ball. Of course mother, I will not let work interfere this time. Yes mother, I am delighted to be attending the ball with you."

What a load of crap, Emily's mother cannot possibly believe a word of what Emily is saying. Then again, maybe she doesn't know her daughter very well. If she did, she would know that Emily hates ball gowns and attending parties where she will be put on display like a piece of meat.

"Yes mother I will tell her. Good-bye mother." Emily hangs up the phone. I can hear a small sigh but Agent Prentiss' mask stays firmly in place. I wonder if she is crying on the inside.

"The Ambassador says hello and good-bye Catherine." Emily says in a monotone.

I blurt out before I can stop myself, "Emily, why didn't your mother wish you a happy birthday?" I bite my lip and wince, as I taste blood in my mouth again, I really need to stop biting my lips.

Emily frowns at me and I fear that I have crossed a line that I didn't even know existed. "The Ambassador does not have enough time to be bothered by such insignificant details as one's birthday."

My jaw drops open in shock. "Let me get this straight." I say before Emily can stop me, "Your mother, the woman who gave birth to you, doesn't think your birthday is important? That's really stupid on her part Emmy." The nickname is a calculated risk, it might bring Emmy back or it might push Agent Prentiss to leave the room. Her eyes flicker for a moment and I continue my rant, "You're her daughter, she should care that it's your birthday. She should love you. She should be here, or send flowers or a gift, a card, anything to acknowledge that she has a daughter. You're an amazing person Emmy and she's an idiot if she doesn't realize that."

My risk pays off, or maybe it was my rant. Emmy is back. She chuckles, "I don't think I have ever heard someone call my mother an idiot before."

I blush. "Sorry."

"Don't apologize, it was nice to hear that not everyone thinks the sun shines out of my mother's arse."

I can't help myself. I burst out laughing, I know it's partly nerves but it feels nice to be able to relax for a few minutes.

* * *

4:30 pm

Emily looks around the kitchen, it's still messy but she doesn't seem to care. "You made the cream cheese icing!" exclaims Emily, a huge grin on her face.

"Of course I did. It's your birthday." I say rolling my eyes, pretending that I had never been against it.

"You've only covered six Creirwy (kree-ree)." Comments Emily

"And I'm only going to cover six in your icing Emmy."

"My icing?" she asks, confused.

"Yes yours. You didn't honestly expect me to contaminate my half of the cupcakes with cream cheese?"

She looks a little sheepish.

"You did, didn't you?" I start laughing, "Emmy, I have buttercream icing for myself. The same stuff we had on the cupcakes Friday and Saturday."

She nods once and looks around the kitchen. "I think I'm going to lie down for a little bit."

"Don't you want your presents Emmy?" I ask, concerned.

"Presents?" Emily frowns, "You brought me a present?"

I raise an eyebrow, "If you mean besides my charming self, yes. Of course I did silly. Birthdays mean presents and cupcakes and spending time with family and friends. Since the team is gone, you're stuck with me."

"They don't know it's my birthday." She protests.

"Are you 100% sure of that Emmy?" I tease.

Emily glares at me, "You're the only one I've told, so unless you told the team, they shouldn't know."

"Hey!" I protest, holding out my hands, "I didn't tell anyone anything about your birthday."

"Not even JJ?"

"I didn't tell Jen Emily. I don't see what the big deal is, they would want to celebrate with you. Just like I would have celebrated with you last year if you hadn't have been away on a case."

"You called me." Says Emily.

"Of course I did, you're acting like no one has ever done anything like that before Emmy."

Emily's silence says it all.

"Emmy, you really don't have anyone else do you?"

Emily does not answer my question. She looks away and my heart aches for her.

I walk cautiously over to her and stop a few feet away to see if she will acknowledge me. When Emily tilts her head, I close the last few feet between us and, knowing that there is no part of her body that is not covered in bruises, I give her a very gentle hug. She wraps her injured arms around me. When I unwrap my arms from around Emily, she hesitates for a moment before releasing me.

"Time for presents." I say smiling up at her.

Emily smiles back and doesn't say anything even when I take her hand and lead her to my bedroom where I had previously stashed the presents.

I direct Emily towards the bed and she sits down on the edge farthest away from where I am situated, leaning against the headboard. I lean over, half off the bed to pick up my bag. I reach in and pull out a large bottle of Vodka. There is a silver bow on the cap. "Here Emmy." I say, offering her the bottle.

"Where did you get that?" asks a confused Emily.

I smile at her, "Spence bought it."

Emily blurts out, "Reid bought you alcohol?"

I can't help but smile at the absurd notion of Spencer buying alcohol for me. "No silly, he bought you alcohol. For your birthday."

"Reid knows when my birthday is? No don't answer that, of course he does, this is Reid we're talking about. What kind is it?" asks Emily, without taking the bottle from me.

I look at the bottle before answering "Vincent Van Gogh?" That is a weird name for Vodka.

Emily snickers, "Really?"

I nod, "Mhm."

"Interesting." Says Emily, finally taking the bottle away from me. "How did you hide this from Jen?"

"It wasn't that difficult," I grin, "I stuck it in Una's bed."

Emily's jaw drops before she exclaims, "You did what with my Vodka?"

I bite the uninjured side of my lip to try and stop the laughter that is bubbling out of me, "I hid-"

Emily cuts me off, "Yes I heard what you said Catherine. Why on earth would you hide it in your cat's bed?"

I think my reasoning is perfectly sound, "Because Jen would never look there, unlike my closet or drawers. Besides, Una doesn't sleep in her bed, she sleeps in mine."

Emily rolls her eyes, "Fine. Please excuse me while I go wash my birthday present."

I stop trying to contain my laughter as Emily walks away with her Vodka. I'm glad the bathroom is only a few feet away so that Emily will not strain herself trying to wash Spencer's present. I wonder how Spence knows that Emily likes Vodka. I guess it might be from when the team goes out for a drink. Obviously, I can't go with them, but I am allowed to attend when they go out for dinner.

When Emily returns without her freshly scrubbed bottle of Vodka I am momentarily concerned. It must be written on my face because Emily does her best to assuage my fears. "I put it on the kitchen counter Creiwry (kree-ree), don't worry, I didn't try to lift it up into the cupboards."

I smile at Emily when she sits down next to me. I hold out a small square package to Emily. The wrapping paper is a dark green with black spirals. Emily takes a moment to stare at the wrapping paper before looking at me. I shift uncomfortably; maybe I should have given her the other present first.

Emily's face is stuck between happy and scared, she is staring at the CD she is holding in her hands, Snow Patrol's_ Eyes Open_ like it's going to jump up and bite her.

I rush to explain, "It's an older CD Emmy, and the newest one won't come out for two more weeks. You'll like this one Emmy, they don't talk at all." Emily and I have been listening to Snow Patrol in the car for almost two years now. She always seems to get spooked when they talk. So I stopped playing live recordings in the car.

Emily squeezes my hand, "Thank you Catherine."

Relieved, I offer up the next present, a small rectangular box, wrapped in the same wrapping paper.  
Emily releases my hand so that she can unwrap her last present. I am pleased with her reaction to this present; Emily's grin is as wide as her face. I'm glad I kept it till last. What Emily is cradling in her hands is a framed photograph of the two of us, asleep on her living room couch. Penelope took it about six months ago and I got my copy from her.

"I love it Creirwy (kree-ree), truly. I will put it on my dresser. There is no need for this to be in the living room. Or we could keep it here in your room Creirwy (kree-ree)." Emily runs her finger along the frame, "I remember that night Catherine. We watched _Juno_ and _Practical Magic_. We had Chinese food. Earlier that day, Morgan suggested that Reid should join us because his hair was getting really long. His face was tomato red. I don't remember Garcia saying she took pictures."

"She's been documenting practically everything I do ever since I met her. I shudder to think what she's will do when Jen's baby is born."

Emily laughs. "That child will have every last dirty diaper and bath time photographed. Never mind all the firsts." Emily pauses. She looks haunted for just a moment before it passes. I wonder what she was thinking but I don't ask, I don't want to intrude.

"Thank you Catherine. This has been one of my best birthdays." Says Emily with a gentle smile on her face.

If this was one of the best and we haven't really done anything, I don't want to know what Emily considers to be a bad birthday.

* * *

7:00 pm

Dinner was quiet and nothing special, we just ordered some Thai food. I sang happy birthday to Emily and then she was allowed to blow out the candle and eat her cupcake. The cupcakes were heavenly. After dinner Emily and I watched a few more episodes of Buffy season 6, including the musical, _Once More With Feeling_. It was nice to sit down, relax and eat popcorn.

After _Once More With Feeling_, was over, I went back to my bedroom to study because Emily said she wanted to lie down again. We said good night and I wished her a happy birthday before she locked herself in her bedroom. I thought I heard crying, but my knocking went unanswered and the door was effectively barred.

* * *

11:50 pm

There is a knock at my door. I look up from my new book, Chrétien De Troyes' _The Knight of the Cart_ and see Emily standing in the doorway holding the same candlestick as last night. I am surprised that she has shown up on time, I wasn't sure she would come back. Her eyes are bloodshot; I guess I really did hear her crying earlier. I wish it wasn't true.

"May I join you?" she asks.

I think she is a little nervous so I smile and cross my legs, leaving space for her on my bed.

Emily sits on the edge of the bed and stares blankly out the window.

Her body language indicates that she is uncomfortable, but I can't see Emily's face properly so I'm not sure that I'm reading her correctly.

When she finally looks at me, I can see the tears in her eyes threatening to fall. I want to hug her but I'm not sure it would be welcome so I just rest my hand near her on the bed, the offer open without pushing.

I smile internally when Emily takes my offered hand. We rise from the bed together and take the three steps necessary to reach the table under the window where my candles are already set up. I can see that Emily's knuckles are white from holding onto the candlestick so tightly. I light my three candles and then offer the lighter to Emily, she gently takes it from me and lights her solitary candle. I want so badly to ask who the candle is for but I squash that idea before it can reach my lips. This is definitely not a good time to be asking prying questions, I'm not sure there ever really is a good time.

We stand silently side-by-side, hands clasped, and we watch the candles burn. I start swaying with exhaustion again so I say, "Good night mama, and good night daddy, good night Jessie, good night Jen. I miss you. I love you. Please come home safely."

Emily whispers, "Buona notte," and we blow out our candles at the same time.

Just like last night, Emily gives me a slight push in the direction of the bed and I comply but I don't let go of her hand. I climb into bed and she tries to tuck me in, but I won't let go of her hand.

"Catherine-" she starts.

I cut her off, "Stay Emmy, please?" Emily needs comfort and familiarity just as much as I do right now. Even though we spent a lot of time arguing, I'm glad I spent the weekend with Emily and not in the University dorms with my friend Clara. Emily deserves to have someone around for her birthday, even if she doesn't ask for it.

She sighs but climbs into bed with me. She wraps me up in her arms and I use her shoulder as my pillow.

I drift for a few minutes in the fog between being awake and asleep. Something is missing, I pull myself out of the fog as best I can and look at Emily. I try to focus on her face so that I can make the fuzziness in my head go away. It works for the most part, my vision is clear again. I bite my lip, "Emmy, will you sing to me?"

"Catherine?" She looks confused.

"Please?" I beg.

She sighs, "All right Creirwy (kree-ree), but you're going to have to let go of me. I need to sit up to sing."

I unwrap my arms from around Emily and move away a little, giving her space.

When Emily sits up, she leans against the headboard, crosses her legs and puts a pillow in her lap.

I raise an eyebrow, not completely sure that I've interpreted her gesture properly.

She gives me a small smile and pats the pillow.

I curl up with my head on the pillow in Emily's lap. When Emily starts singing I am pleasantly surprised, she has a really good voice:

"Hush-a-bye, don't you cry

Go to sleep little baby

When you wake, you shall take

All the pretty little horses

Blacks and bays, dapples and greys

Coach and six little horses

Hush-a-bye, don't you cry

Go to sleep little baby"

I fall asleep, but something rouses me, I can hear someone crying. "Emmy," I mumble, not quite awake but not quite asleep either, "where's the baby?"

"Creirwy (kree-ree), you're half asleep. I don't have a kid." Emily sounds both confused and defensive.

There is that nickname again, it is always distracting to hear Emily call me that. As far as I know, Emily doesn't have a separate nickname for anyone else. Being called Creirwy (kree-ree), makes me feel important. I frown sleepily, attempting to stay on task, "I'm sure I heard crying Emmy."

Emily runs her fingers through my hair, "Go back to sleep kiddo."

"Mmm, okay Emmy. Happy Birthday." I mumble.

* * *

All because of you,

I haven't slept in so long.

When I do I dream of drowning in the ocean,

Longing for the shore where I can lay my head down,

Inside these arms of yours.

- The Good Left Undone, Rise Against


	5. October 13 2008

AN: I wrote a bonus chapter, I hope you enjoy this :)

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.

* * *

"If you are a dreamer come in"

- Shel Silverstein

* * *

October 13th, 2008

Canadian Thanksgiving and Columbus Day

I can hear my name being called.

"Catherine, Catherine wake up!"  
It can't be Jen; she would have rolled me out of bed already, so it must be Emily. I start paying more attention to the voice disturbing my sleep.

"It's almost nine, don't you have class today?"

"Go away Emmy." I wave my arm in the direction of her voice. "Columbus day. No class today."

There is an, "Oh." And then silence.

I lift my head from the very comfortable pillow, blink a few times then ask, "Did you want something Emmy?"

Emily looks sheepish, "Well, I thought you had class today. I didn't want you to be late or miss it."

"Well I'm up now. We should eat breakfast."

Emily rolls her eyes, "I ate already."

"Emily! You're not supposed to be cooking, Jen is going to kill me!"

She laughs, "I had cereal."

I sigh in relief.

Emily leaves the bedroom and I follow her to the kitchen. There are ingredients for pancakes on the counter. "Is this a hint?" I ask chuckling.

"Maybe." She hedges, smiling.

"An apology?"

She raises one eyebrow.

"Okay, hint to make chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast it is." I smile at her. "How many do you want?"

"Just two."

"Okay, I'll make six."

She raises her eyebrow again, "You're going to eat four?"

"No," I say smirking, "we're going to eat three each."

After breakfast Emily and I sit down to watch TV. I take a few minutes to study Emily while she is busy listening to the news. Her bruises are healing well, they look better than yesterday, and she's not stumbling with every step. This is good. I don't know how her ribs are, but I would assume that they are healing because she isn't breathing shallowly nor has she said anything to indicate discomfort.

After an hour or so of listening to the news, Emily turns to me, biting her nails and looking nervous. I am instantly on edge.

"Catherine," she starts slowly, "you already have a key to my condo and you spend a lot of time here when the team isn't away on a case."

I don't know where this conversation is going, but it's making me rather anxious.

Emily pauses and takes a few breaths, "How would you feel about having your own room here?"

I am confused. "Why-"

Emily cuts me off and starts talking very quickly, "You don't have too, but I have three bedrooms and even if you do take one, I'll still have a guest room. This way, you wont have to leave so early when you come over to watch Buffy and Angel. And I enjoy spending time with you."

She is looking at me expectantly. I don't know what to say. Emily is right, I do spend a lot of time here and I often have to leave early to catch a bus back home or beg Emily or Jen for a ride. That is always a little awkward. I wouldn't mind having my own room here. So I smile at Emily and say, "That would be pretty awesome."

She grins back at me, "We should get paint for your room. What colour do you want to paint it? Do you want another mural like you have at home?"

Laughing I say, "Emily calm down. I only said yes ten second ago."

"Well you must have some idea." She prompts gently. "Was there something that you wanted that JJ couldn't let you do to your rented apartment?"

"Well yes, but I can't draw."

"I can, just tell me what you want and I'll see what I can do."

"I want three black walls and a black ceiling." I start slowly, trying to judge her reaction.

She nods at me, telling me to go on.

"And on the fourth wall, I want a mural."

"What kind of mural?"

"A forest in the winter. I want everything to be white."

Emily smiles, "I guess it's a good thing that the bedroom furniture is also white."

"I uh," I blush, "I also want a silver moon and moon beams from the moon streaking out onto the other walls and the ceiling."

"It sounds beautiful Creirwy (kree-ree)."

I grin. "Thanks Emmy."

Emily has been sketching what I want and I love her picture.

"It's gorgeous Emmy, where did you learn to draw?"

"I took art in high school."

I raise an eyebrow.

She looks sheepish, "I might have also had a few tutors."

I snicker.

"Well," she starts, "I certainly don't mind painting your room black. And we can go look for paint today if you want."

Your room, I like the sound of that. I smile at Emily, "I would like that, but are you sure that you're up for the walk? You couldn't have walked far yesterday."

"I'll be fine Creirwy (kree-ree), the paint store is not nearly as far away as the grocery store. I promise that I won't pick up or carry anything."

I consider Emily's words before saying a cautious, "Okay."

"Go grab your purse." Says Emily, giving me a little push.

I rise from the couch, ready to go back to my new room and grab my bag. Emily's voice from the living room stops me short just before the hallway. "Catherine, do you want a well in this mural like the one you have at home?"

The way the question is phrased along with the use of my name indicates just how calculated the seemingly innocent question is. What is even more worrying is the fact that Emily noticed the hidden 'well' in the first place. I was sure it was hidden perfectly. I can't help but flinch. Damn it. I know Emily saw that.

"Catherine?" she asks.

I need to answer her now, before she becomes even more suspicious. "It's not a well Em, it's a cauldron."

"A cauldron?" she sounds skeptical. I probably would be too if I were in her position.

I nod once, "Yes a cauldron."

"Really?"

I turn around to face Emily, "Really, really."

She smiles at me and I smile back.

I scuff the toe of my slipper on the floor, "It's supposed to represent Dagda's cauldron. It never ran dry; there was always food and drink to be had from it. There is also a legend that Dagda could revive wounded or dead warriors by dunking them in his cauldron."

Emily holds her hands up in surrender, "Alright I believe you. Go get your purse, we'll leave in a few minutes."

We walk to the store since it's only a few blocks away. Emily has decided that because she suggested me taking over one of her bedrooms that she should pay for it. I give in; sometimes it's just easier not to argue with Emily. We pick out tuxedo black for the walls, eggshell white for the trees and silver mist for the moon and moonbeams. I haven't decided if I want a cauldron in this mural but if I decide that I want one, it will be done in white, so there is no need for another paint colour.

Emily wants to bring the paint home right away but since Emily can't help carry it, I am leery of trying by myself. Emily offers twenty dollars to the girl who has been helping us (her name is Leanne), if she will help me carry the paint back to the condo. Leanne accepts. So eighteen minutes after purchasing the paint, Emily, Leanne and I are walking up to the door of the condo. Emily gets the door and Leanne sets her two tins of paint just inside the doorway. Emily pays Leanne and she walks back to the store.

Emily tells me that she thinks she has a projector in storage. And I have to stop her right there. "Emily we cannot do all of this today. We need to wash the walls and move the furniture and then the paint needs to dry and the mural will take days and-"

She stops me, "I know Catherine, but I think we should be able to wash the walls and sketch the mural."

"Don't you mean that I will wash the walls and sketch the mural?"

Emily is grinning, "Yes. There is a bucket and some cloths under the sink."

I shake my head and laugh.

"You'll also have to carry the projector, but I think the maintenance staff has a dolly we could borrow."

"Okay Emmy, how about we eat lunch first? It's almost one o'clock."

"Sounds good."

After a lunch of salad with strawberries and almonds, Emily and I take the elevator down to the basement. Emily had called ahead and there is an old man standing by the door to Emily's storage locker with a dolly. Emily greets him by name but does not introduce us. Which is fine by me, he might want to shake hands.

Emily unlocks the locker, turns on the light and steps in. I cautiously edge around the old man and follow Emily into the storage space. Emily is already standing next to the projector. The thing is massive. I have no idea why Emily owns a projector and I don't particularly want to ask.

I help the old man put the projector on the dolly and wheel it over to the elevator. Emily locks up and follows me with the old man. When we step into the elevator, I notice that Emily positions herself between the old man and myself. It is similar to what Jen does when I am uncomfortable around other people. Unfortunately, this happens quite often. Emily acting like my big sister makes me smile internally.

When the three of us arrive at the condo, Emily unlocks the door and I push the dolly into the bedroom. I pick up the projector and place it on the small table by the window, which thankfully doesn't wobble. I push the dolly back out into the hallway, past the living room and to the door where the old man is waiting patiently. I haven't heard him say a word in the thirteen minutes we have been around each other. He nods to Emily and me before walking away. Emily locks the door behind him and I let out a tiny sigh of relief. I'm not exactly scared, more like uncomfortable in the presence of anyone who isn't family. Even Mr. David Rossi makes me a little leery and he's supposed to be family. Jen says it will take time for me to get used to Mr. Rossi being around. I've only known the man for three weeks and have only been in the same room as him twice. It's not like Jen can invite him over to a girls' night like she did with Emily or just leave me home alone with a poor, unsuspecting, Spencer Reid.

I move the bedroom furniture, of which there is very little, to the middle of the room so that I can wash the walls. Emily bought a can of primer and we'll have to paint the walls with that next weekend. For now, I'm just going to wash the walls and if Emily insists, maybe we'll prime just the mural wall. I have picked the biggest wall for my forest mural, just like I did at the apartment. The bed will face the forest so that it will be the first thing I see when I wake up and the last thing I see before I go to sleep.

Washing the walls takes almost two whole hours. I have been listening to Snow Patrol's latest CD, _A Hundred Million Suns_. It's amazing and I always lose myself in their music. I am putting the bed back in its spot when my hyper-vigilance sends off a warning signal; there is someone in the room with me.

I stiffen instinctively. I whip around, desperately trying not to show how terrified I am. It's Emily, but that doesn't make me calm down. She is standing about a foot away from me. What happened to the rule of everyone staying an arm's length away? Emily's eyes bore into mine and I have to look away. She reaches out slowly with one hand, but both her hands are open; I can see them even from where I'm looking at the floor.

I hold my breath as the hand gets closer to my face, I desperately want to step back, but I cannot. My back is already touching the wall, I must have stepped back as soon as Emily entered the room because I don't think I was this close to the wall before. Emily's fingers stop about a centimeter away from my chin and I can't stop the flinch that races through my body. Emily sighs, "It's okay Crierwy (kree-ree), I'm not going to hurt you."

I want to believe Emily so badly my chest hurts. I suppose on some level, I must trust her because earlier today I basically agreed to live with her, but right now I can't find it in me. My mind is stuck in a loop; d_on't touch me, don't touch me, don't touch me. Please Emmy, please don't touch me._

I start to tremble and it becomes more violent when Emily doesn't back away immediately. She reaches out for my chin instead, and lifts my head. My eyes must look wild because she gives a small gasp and the only other time my eyes have scared Emily, she told me later they looked wild. Like I didn't recognize her or anyone else in the room.

I'm struggling to hold on, trying not to lose myself to the panic that is rising like a tidal wave in me. My breathing becomes ragged and I feel detached. Like I'm me, but at the same time, I'm not. It is calming. The only other thing that could be more calming right now is if Emily wasn't still touching me. She doesn't let go of my chin and I cannot form the words to ask her to release me and step away.

I want to hide. There is a nice corner about three feet to my left that would be perfect but I can't get my body to respond to my commands. Emily wraps her arms around me and that's all it takes to break me from my frozen state. I start to struggle, trying to get out of her grasp. I can't break free and I start to panic even more. I am almost so far gone Emily's voice sounds like a whisper. Wait, Emily's voice. She's talking. Pay attention Catherine.

Her voice sounds like it is coming from very far away, "Breathe Catherine, breathe. Slowly, take deep breaths. Listen to my voice. Breathe."

I focus on Emily's voice and the feeling of her arms surrounding me. I use them to ground me. I think it's working. I can breathe again and it doesn't sound like I'm gasping.

Emily pulls me down to the floor with her; I don't put up much resistance. I couldn't even if I truly wanted to. My body is exhausted.

Once I have calmed down, Emily releases me and pulls some papers out of her back pocket. "I just wanted to show you where we can put our Buffy stories okay?"

I give a small nod, unable to form real words just yet.

Emily shows me a little pocket in the corner of the mattress and puts our papers inside. "It is not urgent. It is not even important right now, but I want you to know that if there is ever anything important that I want you to find, I will leave it here okay?"

My brain feels fuzzy and I am puzzled, "You're leaving something important with our Buffy fanfiction Emily?"

"Not now of course, but in the future. And if you need to leave something important for me, leave it here and I will find it okay Creirwy (kree-ree)?"

"Is there something wrong Emmy?"  
"No Catherine, this is one of those 'just in case' things. You have an arrangement with JJ don't you?"

"Yes and with Spence as well. But we've never needed to use it before."

"Well I hope we don't need to use this one either. But don't forget that it's there." She hugs me tightly and I can't help but feel that I'm missing something.  
"How could I forget Emmy?" I smile up at her, "We're storing all our stories there." Is something wrong? No, surely Emily would tell me if there was. I must be mistaken. There is nothing wrong.

Emily gets up slowly, she groans and I feel horrible for aggravating her injuries. Emily slowly stretches out on my bed and motions me over. I move closer, but stay out of arm's reach. The frown on Emily's face makes me cringe. I don't want to upset her further so I inch closer.

"Go around to the other side of the bed Creirwy (kree-ree), I think we could both use a nap before dinner."

I sigh quietly, but do as I am told. I walk around the bed and climb in under the covers on that side. I want to put a pillow between us so that Emily cannot see my face, but there are only two pillows and hiding my face would let Emily know how embarrassed I feel and she might think that something else is wrong with me.

Emily shifts a little closer to me but doesn't touch me. Emily starts humming the lullaby she sang for me last night, it is comforting in its familiarity and I can feel my eyelids drooping. I'm so tired, maybe a short nap will be a good thing.

* * *

Giles: Something's coming, something, something,

something is - is gonna happen here. Soon!

Buffy: Gee, can you vague that up for me?

- Season 1, Welcome to the Hellmouth, BTVS

* * *

AN2: Thank you for reading, reviews are always appreciated. The reason why the team did not come back and celebrate Emily's birthday is simple, on the show they do not find out about Emily's birthday until Season 4 episode 14. I could not have the team know about it here when they didn't know until several months later on the show. If I change my mind, I might add in a reunion, but for now. This is the end.

AN3: Just to let you know, my next story will be posted on Saturday May 19th, 2012. It will be entitled Hydromorphone. It will focus on Spencer Reid and Catherine with cameos from both Emily and JJ.


End file.
